You are standing on the side of the road and it is raining. I unlock the door and I pull up next to you and you get into the vehicle but you do not look at me, so I look at you in side profile and I remember a lot of feelings and say, Have You Ever Felt So Many Memories Rush Back At Once That It’s Like A Physical Pain In Your Blood Stream? and you shake your head but you still do not look at me. Okay. I’m Just Kidding, I tell you. But I have felt that. And I feel it currently.
Some things I want to ask are : What Have You Been Doing? Are You Okay? Do You Read My Blog? Why Do You Smell Of Antique Shops? Can I Kiss You? Am I Harboring A Fugitive? Do You Still Have My T-shirt?
But I do not want those answers, so I ask you where you want to go. You say Somewhere I Can Be Sober, so I drive toward a cliff that I know of, because I would like us to stand on a cliff together while you are thirty minutes sober.
And you say, I Do Not Like Your Music, and I say, I Do Not Like Your Approach To Life, and then I apologize, and then I turn up the music and then I sing along and then I count the number of years since I last saw you. One. Two. Three. And then I think about when I wanted us to Be Together as though we were One Person, and then I think about how I later turned you into a caricature of you, and then I shout, I Wanted To Teach You How To Learn The Hard Way. And you say, What? And I say, Um. And you say, I Know. And I say, For Fuck’s Sake, Get Out Of The Car And Stand On The Edge Of This Cliff With Me.
So we get out of the car and it is still raining and it is windy because cliffs are windy, and you start to talk and I listen and you say Sorry and I say It’s Okay and you start to cry and I say, Please Don’t!!! and we sit on a rock and throw smaller rocks over the edge of the cliff into oblivion.
And you say, I Know It Took A Long Time To Recover and I say, I Am Okay, and I whisper, You Taught Me Something Valuable, and then we are quiet together and you do not ask me what it was.
Then I have thoughts and they’re about us and what I thought we were and what I think we are and who I want to be and I notice your hands are shaking and I do not want to blame anybody for anything, ever, and I tell you, Every Time I Disagree With Somebody, I Consciously Try To Find Empathy. And then you look at me. And your eyes are very sad and you are just an animal and you throw small rocks over the side of the cliff until there are no small rocks left to throw anywhere.
And you are just an animal and you throw small rocks over the side of the cliff until there are no small rocks left to throw anywhere.
And I say, If Somebody Tells You They Are Going To Hurt You, You Should Always Try Your Best To Believe Them. And then I drive you back to the space on the side of the road where I found you and you say, Do You Want To Go Get A Drink With Me? and I tell you, I Can’t Remember The Last Time I Was Thirsty.