by Stacey Teague and Ana Carrete
when we sleep together i am afraid to touch you
your body is a foreign country to me
it is spring time there
think of all the beds we have ever been in
our beds & our friends’ beds
think of want in all its forms
what we feel for each other crawls over our skin like ants
but the ants get heavier and heavier and when we
sweep them underneath the duvet
it makes the bed sag in the middle
not unlike the weight of our two bodies
we will twist ourselves into the sheets
unwind and breathe
it’s the middle of the night now
and i want you in your white t-shirt
we belong to nothing except our own desires
we pretend we own the inflatable
or regular mattresses or convertible couches
we pretend we own half the space
half is yours half is kind of mine
both halves really belong to someone else
my eyes are closed but i stare at the wall in my head
i imagine the wall and your face your back
is facing my back and i am afraid but so are you
your bed is not my bed but it can be ours
if we try or pretend for a little bit
i am a sleepy little bitch
when i turn around and lick your shoulder
in my head when my eyes are closed and i’m staring at the wall
the wall is a thousand knives pressed against your back
but still i lean into you into them
romance is embarrassing
so instead we speak in skin
you squeeze your eyelids shut
but mine are still open
i undress myself
your eyelids
pulsing
it is morning and i pretend
like this is not the start of something.
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‘We Can Practice Sleeping Side By Side But I Don’t Think We’ll Be Any Good At It’
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‘Snails’ by Stacey Teague for Cityscapes - Auckland, NZ
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some people seem to give in to their sadness or let themselves be defined by destructive habits, but fuck that, i just want to be a better person
although, sadness is a thing that happens, and at least we can make it into something productive
sometimes i feel reckless, and indifferent, and that feels good
and then very bad
even though i appear meek, i am tough when it is important to be
i’ve realised that it is okay to be everything all at once
most nights i look at the moon/stars and it knocks me out
over breakfast this morning the boys were talking about how the universe was made and they all paused for a moment, thinking about the impossibility of it all
you never stop feeling like that
lately i’ve had trouble expressing what it is that i feel
i get afraid that i actually don’t feel anything at all when this happens
but that’s never true
emotions & experiences mean nothing to me unless they can be written down or reflected upon
there are parts of myself that feel external to me
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1. i read the first chapter out loud to myself in the bath
i had been alone for two days and i needed to hear what my voice sounded like
not that i had forgotten, that is not something you forget
i just wanted to hear it, to confirm my existence
when i finished the story the bath was cold
2. i read this in bed on a thursday afternoon
i cried during some of it, almost definitely the last two pages of it
it made me think of my grandmother and how her face looked close to death and how it upset me more now than it did then
the memory of something > the thing itself
when i finished the story
i got up because the dog was barking
i looked out the window, it was snowing
and i cried looking at it
3. v short, read it standing up in kitchen waiting for pizza to cook
4. this story reminded me of how you found a note on my computer that simply said ‘love poem by richard brautigan’ and how you must have known i didn’t love you before i told you i didn’t love you
5. “People and places you think you love may be people and places you hate.”
6. common theme of this book is how you can become stuck in all places in your life, this is something i get very afraid of
this story is about a relationship, and it seems to me that you can feel stuck in any relationship after a while
you can be stuck anywhere and with anyone after a certain amount of time
for me it isn’t even that long either
oh yeah i cried at the end of this story too, but it’s nice to cry like that, for something external
why i liked this book is that it made me think things about myself and life that i sometimes forget, or that i cannot easily verbalize
and those are the things that i like the most(via popserial)
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name. stacey teague
age. 23
occupation. cattery worker/volunteer bird rescuer, soon to be traveller/au pair
1. what is your present state of mind?
anxious, eating a banana
2. where were you born?
auckland, nz
3. where do you live now?
auckland, nz, as of tomorrow, london, england (and thereabouts)
4. where would you like to live?
wellington, nz or melbourne, aus
5. do you think you’re interesting?
unsure / subjective
6. how is your love life?
8815 miles away
7. what were you like as a child?
shy, quiet
8. what did you eat today?
a banana, a mandarin, pizza, icecream, another banana (ate it like a watermelon)
9. have you ever created culture or art?
i’ve created things that may be considered art, unsure about ‘culture’
10. do you like drinking alcohol or using drugs?
alcohol more than drugs
11. what kind of people do you hate?
people who don’t like cats, yeah wassup
12. what are your goals, if you have any?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0lPQZni7I18
13. do you have any depressing stories about your life?
left my favourite scarf on the bus the other day, bloody rough
14. who are your favorite authors?
right now i like natalie chin, guillaume morissette and kerry giangrande’s writing, also in a murakami k-hole, send help
15.what will you be doing ten years from now?
hanging out with whoever watched that entire destiny’s child video -
(Source: willisplummer)
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termites have a king and a queen
who build their own kingdoms
together— Stacey Teague (via bambimuse) -
new post at people are just people
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Illuminati Girl Gang
Baby Jong-il likes girls. They get to wear hairbows. He likes gangs. They’re violent. He really likes the illuminati. They’re elitist. They can get away with murder. So Baby Jong-il is really excited about the first volume of the Illuminati Girl Gang. These are his favorite parts:
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